So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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