somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
