you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
