i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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