i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
