Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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