Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
