The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
