so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
