i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
