There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
