Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
