He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
