so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
