it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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