Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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