I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
