I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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