I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
