I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
