She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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