I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
