I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can I color on your dick again?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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