we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
