i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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