I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you didnt know i had herpes?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
did you just send me my own nude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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