I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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