A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
