she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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