This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
