so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
