Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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