I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
