i jhust puked up my retainher.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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