Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
