allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
