she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
