I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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