shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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