I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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