Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
