we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
