Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
