So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
