Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
