i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
