Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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