You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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