4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
