Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
