I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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