We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
