i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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