My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
