i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
