booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
