He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize