he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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