All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
