everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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