Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
