I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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