My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
