I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
