So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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