Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
