I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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